A Day in the Life of a Migraine Mama

Walking and running… March for babies

Life has been a series of walking and running events. Everything from ultrasounds for our DD (yes, she’s a girl!) to tubes for our DS’ ears. School has been busy with projects and tests, especially as the semester winds down. But I have a project I am working on now… I am walking in the March for Babies on Saturday for the March of Dimes.

9am, the walk here in Atlanta starts, 5.5 miles. I walk because not all mothers share the experience of a full term, healthy child. I walk because the research, information, education and support are priceless. I walk because one of my friends is directly affected, and she has a beautiful baby boy who came into the world too soon.

I beseech you to donate the cost of a lunch, or the birth weight of your child(ren). It takes no time at all and is tax deductible. Thank you for helping DS and I help babies!

Help me reach my goal!Sponsor Me at March for Babies!

Sleep?

Sleep can come and go depending on the night. Currently, I am gearing up to try to sleep, as I have classes as well as time with my mother tomorrow. Mother is coming in to visit for 4 days, and I have three classes, as well as pills to feed my dog (he has had some GI issues, nowhere near out of the woods currently and… well life has been interesting). I am 14w4d and still feeling fairly well. Don’t got back to the the OB until 2/17.

I have a lot more to update, but no time right now. Head still bothers me, my DS is awesome. DH is awesome. Friends/family are awesome. Other stuff, well… could be better.

Back soon.

Sense of normalcy…

Watched Julie & Julia tonight. I am glad we didn’t see it in the theatre. Decent movie, but the ending was fat for me. Note I honestly won’t give any of it away… just that detail So, it was worth the $1 DH used to rent it from the Red Box at Kroger. Only issue, was the DS wanted to fuss during certain parts… love the little guy, but sheesh LOL.

I am not really feeling all that pregnant. It is so different from when i was pregnant with DS, where things hurt, and I was so freaking nauseous. Now, it is minimal nausea and on seldom occasions, I feel a slight bit bloated.

The DS has been a whirlwind today when he hasn’t been napping. Into EVERYTHING! It makes things hard at times, because he demands a lot of stimulation. Otherwise, he gets himself into trouble. He is currently running around the living room, in his Thomas the Tank Engine jammies, “winding down” after his bath. He wants to nurse, but I want food first, and I need to put my needs first at least once a day (I focus my waking, sleeping, peeing and eating schedule on him, day in and day out. He can wait five minutes to nurse. Don’t get me wrong, I love our nursing relationship, it is just at times, I don’t take care of myself because I focus on him, and I can’t continue doing that).

Well, he is hanging on me now, so I need to remove him, and go get food to see if he will go to sleep. Then, I may knit… or go to sleep myself.

New Year, but feeling the SSDD Syndrome.

Back to not working. The DS is fairly awesome, albeit being such a toddler. He has learned to hit/slap, so we are working on the “please don’t do that”.

I’ve been quiet due to me being in shock.

Make a pregnancy ticker

Found out just before the holidays, so we have been given a gift.

I am stressed due to the job thing, as well as some legal stuff that has come up. I currently am looking at how to WAH, so we don’t have to worry about child care for two kiddos.

DH is having fun with his poker hobby. League play means little cash outlay, as it is for points, not money.

I am currently sitting with a tension headache and a migraine at the same time. Fioricet was futile. May take a second dose. Can’t take my tier two meds, until the hubby gets home, as phenergen knocks me out, add that to Lortab… oof!

And to top it off, I want pierogi…

Been awfully quiet…

and sometimes it can help soothe the soul.

Our holidays were quiet and enjoyable. I have taken delight in taking care of DS’ holiday gifts. He is at such a fun age! 14 months, learning, exploring and lots of giggling.

I started back in the work force on 11/23. I note that I am still having a hard time leaving DS. My first job is as his Mama. He sleeps next to me now, with his little snore. Lots of cuddles and Mama milk before bed for my lil guy.

I would be remiss if I didn’t note what today is. World AIDS Day. Here’s my hope that there is someday soon a cure for HIV and AIDS. I know too many people directly and indirectly affected by both. It does please me to see the new statement by the WHO, as can be found in the following link: http://www.who.int/mediacentre/news/releases/2009/world_aids_20091130/en/index.html

It is specifically in regards to HIV mothers and breastfeeding their children. -

WHO now recommends that breastfeeding continue until the infant is 12 months of age, provided the HIV-positive mother or baby is taking ARVs during that period. This will reduce the risk of HIV transmission and improve the infant’s chance of survival.

“In the new recommendations, we are sending a clear message that breastfeeding is a good option for every baby, even those with HIV-positive mothers, when they have access to ARVs,” said Daisy Mafubelu, WHO’s Assistant Director General for Family and Community Health.

Small steps will normalize breastfeeding in society. It is not just about a “best” (breast) or “just as good” option. It is about a naturally given right to each child to have what is normal for them. I am a big proponent of cow’s milk is for calves, human milk is for baby humans. There is a reason my son will not receive animal milk, other than what I produce. It is not necessary. Animal milk is difficult to process, even as an adult.

Before I get carried away on the topic, which wasn’t my plan for tonight, I will step back. I have future posts already lurking. Breastfeeding, attachment parenting, co-sleeping and bed sharing (yes the last two are two different things). My husband jokes that I am “crunchy”. I just do what feel right.

And now, what feels right is a hot shower, lotion for my dry feet and curling up with my darling sleeping baby, as my alarm will come WAY too early, and I will start what has become my new routine again.

Here comes the rain again…

And with it the ramping up of my head. I started feeling the pressure shift about 30 minutes ago. Medicating to make sure it doesn’t explode. I have *way* too much to get done on Tuesday.

I don’t have too much to write about right now, as I am in limbo. Urologist appointment, obtained (quickly even, 3pm 11/10). Errands for a friend, a lot of phone calls for school. Waiting for a call back from my neurologist and spending time with the baby boy before my work orientation on Wednesday.

Speaking of work, I am scared spitless about rejoining the workforce. I am hoping my body can handle it.

On that note, I am off for bed, to try and sleep.

Rob Thomas is my hero…

Her Diamonds Lyrics:
Oh what the hell she says
I just can’t win for losing
And she lays back down
Man there’s so many times
I don’t know what Im doin’
Like I don’t know now

And she says oooh
I can’t take no more
Her tears like diamonds on the floor
And her diamonds bring me down
Cuz I can’t help her now
Shes down in it
She tried her best and now she can’t win it’s
Hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling down

I am sitting here in the middle of a nerve flare up. Parts of my body are in pain, others feel like they are on fire. I want o burst into tears, but the tears won’t come. Some might say, “well take your pain meds.” It isn’t physical pain, it is the nerve being inflamed that hurts. Pain meds generally don’t stop the inflamation. Also, due to the migraines, my body is unable to react to NSAIDs to allow for the inflamation to stop. My hubby’s face, when I told him what was going on. I hate he feels helpless. And he has told me that fact. He *wants* to do something, anything he can to make me feel better. And I see it truly kills him that there is almost nothing that he can do to help me with how I feel.

Rob Thomas is a god for writing this. I wish everyone who had a loved one who deals with chronic pain/illness could watch/hear this. I have tears in my eyes as I play it. He has truly found a way to voice it. I am sorry Mr. Thomas learned this through personal experience, as his wife has Lupus. From my experience with friends, Lupus is not an easy illness to live with, and their spouses, too, dealt with the feelings of helplessness. Dealing with anything chronic isn’t easy. Add on top of it, doesn’t make it any easier.

There are days, I wonder how I am going to get out of bed, how am I going to take care of me, let alone my son? How will this affect my son as he grows up? Will he think less of me? Do people think less of me, because I have to watch myself? So many questions, and most don’t have an answer, let alone a good one.

It is a fine balancing act, trying to coordinate what I want to do with what I can do. Throw the what I should do into the mix, and it can makes days interesting. What falls into the three categories won’t be the same things either.

I sit in bed, my laptop across my legs. I am praying that the firey pins will stop poking into my ankles, wrists, arms and elbows long enough for me to fall asleep. Instead, it is creeping up my lower legs. I cuddle closer to my son, who is sleeping. He cuddles closer to me. I notice he is already cognizant of my bad days and my good days. I am scared of this. I don’t want him to be on eggshells around me. More research I do, to take with me to the doc when I go in.

On the list for tomorrow is a call to the neurologist. Among the other things I need to get done. I will do as much as I can, and then, I will rest. I smile at my son, as I close on this. He is the reason I push as hard as I do. I need to be better, for him.

My darling boy

Love, love is a verb

I adore this song…

“Teardrop”

Stumbling a little
Stumbling a little

We all stumble, we all fall. How the world passes judgement is based on how we pick ourselves up. You can sit and wallow in what happened, you can blame others for what has occurred or you can pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep walking forward. What happens in the past shapes us to handle what is thrown at us in the future.

That stumble can be shown as pain, fear, and a hundred other items.

Currently, I stumble through pain, tinged with feelings of self doubt. I doubt myself as a mother, a partner, in my ability to be a functioning member of society. I just continue to push myself the best I can.

Started doing weight training at the gym last week. It has now been three days since I have gone… I can feel the difference. I am going through withdrawals. Must get there tomorrow!

Tonight sees class, sewing my little guy’s Halloween costume and sleep. Then pictures for him in the morning. And more job hunting.