A Day in the Life of a Migraine Mama

Here comes the rain again…

And with it the ramping up of my head. I started feeling the pressure shift about 30 minutes ago. Medicating to make sure it doesn’t explode. I have *way* too much to get done on Tuesday.

I don’t have too much to write about right now, as I am in limbo. Urologist appointment, obtained (quickly even, 3pm 11/10). Errands for a friend, a lot of phone calls for school. Waiting for a call back from my neurologist and spending time with the baby boy before my work orientation on Wednesday.

Speaking of work, I am scared spitless about rejoining the workforce. I am hoping my body can handle it.

On that note, I am off for bed, to try and sleep.

Rob Thomas is my hero…

Her Diamonds Lyrics:
Oh what the hell she says
I just can’t win for losing
And she lays back down
Man there’s so many times
I don’t know what Im doin’
Like I don’t know now

And she says oooh
I can’t take no more
Her tears like diamonds on the floor
And her diamonds bring me down
Cuz I can’t help her now
Shes down in it
She tried her best and now she can’t win it’s
Hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling down

I am sitting here in the middle of a nerve flare up. Parts of my body are in pain, others feel like they are on fire. I want o burst into tears, but the tears won’t come. Some might say, “well take your pain meds.” It isn’t physical pain, it is the nerve being inflamed that hurts. Pain meds generally don’t stop the inflamation. Also, due to the migraines, my body is unable to react to NSAIDs to allow for the inflamation to stop. My hubby’s face, when I told him what was going on. I hate he feels helpless. And he has told me that fact. He *wants* to do something, anything he can to make me feel better. And I see it truly kills him that there is almost nothing that he can do to help me with how I feel.

Rob Thomas is a god for writing this. I wish everyone who had a loved one who deals with chronic pain/illness could watch/hear this. I have tears in my eyes as I play it. He has truly found a way to voice it. I am sorry Mr. Thomas learned this through personal experience, as his wife has Lupus. From my experience with friends, Lupus is not an easy illness to live with, and their spouses, too, dealt with the feelings of helplessness. Dealing with anything chronic isn’t easy. Add on top of it, doesn’t make it any easier.

There are days, I wonder how I am going to get out of bed, how am I going to take care of me, let alone my son? How will this affect my son as he grows up? Will he think less of me? Do people think less of me, because I have to watch myself? So many questions, and most don’t have an answer, let alone a good one.

It is a fine balancing act, trying to coordinate what I want to do with what I can do. Throw the what I should do into the mix, and it can makes days interesting. What falls into the three categories won’t be the same things either.

I sit in bed, my laptop across my legs. I am praying that the firey pins will stop poking into my ankles, wrists, arms and elbows long enough for me to fall asleep. Instead, it is creeping up my lower legs. I cuddle closer to my son, who is sleeping. He cuddles closer to me. I notice he is already cognizant of my bad days and my good days. I am scared of this. I don’t want him to be on eggshells around me. More research I do, to take with me to the doc when I go in.

On the list for tomorrow is a call to the neurologist. Among the other things I need to get done. I will do as much as I can, and then, I will rest. I smile at my son, as I close on this. He is the reason I push as hard as I do. I need to be better, for him.

My darling boy